by | | Curated Content
July 28th 2025
–
WellBeing Magazine
–
Our culture encourages denial about death. While we don’t talk about it, death anxiety is a pervasive theme of being human, shaping much of what we think and do. Coming to terms with our mortality can only help us.
We first become aware of death’s universality, irreversibility and inevitability between the ages of three and nine. This terrifying discovery comes to us in gradual stages, says Professor Ross Menzies, a mental health author, professor of clinical psychology at the University of Technology, Sydney and practising clinical psychologist. From then on, we live our existence under the fearful spectre of death, he says, a bitter knowledge that’s the source of much (mostly subconscious and repressed) distress.
What’s less understood is how fear of death shapes human wellbeing, behaviour and society. This revelation is the crux of a groundbreaking book, Mortals: How the Fear of Death Shaped Human Society, co-authored by Menzies and daughter Dr Rachel Menzies (also an acclaimed psychologist). Death, they write, is the “worm at the core of the human psyche, nibbling away at our sense of security”.
Professor Menzies has been treating people with anxiety-related and mood disorders for more than 30 years. They’ve become a leading expert in the field of death anxiety. “To some extent it’s present in all of us,” he says. “It’s one of the great curses of being human.”
The human curse
All biological life perishes. But humans are doubly cursed by our awareness of death. It’s our intelligence and capacity for reflective consciousness that’s to blame. It allows us to contemplate the future, where, inevitably, as the duo write in Mortals, “all paths are leading — to the grave”.
Research, their book tells, shows death is greatly feared, for many to the point of undermining enjoyment in life. Death is our biggest fear in childhood and adolescence. Mercifully, death anxiety tends to subside in the last third of life, Professor Menzies says. “One obvious reason is that the quality of life is diminishing: you’re not losing as much,” he says. “You also may have become satisfied with what you achieved in life.”
Manifesting differently in all of us, death anxiety, he says, is a complex construct, because there’s no single, defining component. “Some people with death anxiety are worried about the notion of nothingness and going to nothingness; others are worried about missing out on things they’ll never get to see. Yet others are worried about loved ones dying: all of their death anxiety is about attachment figures they don’t think they could cope without. Some are worried about the passage to death. It’s ‘what if I got incredibly sick with a terminal illness, and it was a slow and painful passage to death’. You can end up terrified of death for a multitude of reasons.”
The root of anxiety
According to Professor Menzies, death anxiety drives a lot of mental health problems. Research by Dr Rachel Menzies, and her team at The University of Sydney, suggests our terror of “the end” is related to a variety of mental health problems. This link is particularly strong with anxiety disorders, such as panic disorder, somatic symptoms related to anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder, illness anxiety (dread of disease associated with excessive doctor visits and medical checks) and obsessive-compulsive disorder. (Rachel Menzies received the Dick Thompson Thesis Prize for her work on the link between death anxiety and OCD.)
“Anxiety is a very large number of conditions that we now think of as being derivatives of death anxiety,” Professor Menzies says. Anxiety around death may indeed be the underlying cause of many phobias — such as fear of the dark, spiders, germs, heights, flying, crime and natural disasters.
A link between death anxiety and depression is less clear, however Menzies believes it’s a factor in existential-type depressions. “They’re about, you know, what’s the point of my existence? I simply work all day, crash at the end of it, get up and do it again, and then eventually go to dust,” he says.
Coping mechanisms
Throughout the ages, we’ve employed various strategies for living with the knowledge of our demise. As discussed in Mortals, these range from plain old denial and suppression to seeking immortality in various guises. Think of egoic achievements, lasting legacies, continuing our genetic line. For many, the answer is to live a grand existence.
Traditionally, religions, with their varying beliefs about the afterlife, have been a source of comfort in all cultures. “If death is the oldest thorn in our side, then religion is its oldest balm,” the Menzies write in Mortals. What most religions share is the belief in an indestructible soul and the promise of immortality in the afterlife.
Harmful consequences
On the downside, our mechanisms for coping with death’s ever-present shadow are often maladaptive, damaging to us, society and the planet. Taken to its extreme, eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die, for instance, can bring on ill health.
There’s experimental research showing that the desire to have lots of children relates to death anxiety, Professor Menzies reveals. “We’ve over-populated our planet in part because of the deep desire to cheat death and leave our genetic material.”
Another unhelpful way we deal with death anxiety is to live well through consumerism, which causes obvious problems for the planet, he says. “And we know that religious wars and conflicts over who’s got the right story to death, are problematic.”
Life extension or death denial?
Echoing the pharaohs of ancient Egypt, the super wealthy today collectively spend billions to avoid death, albeit in the pursuit of life extension via science.
Professor Menzies finds the obsession in various areas of science to extend life at all costs, appalling. During COVID, for example, we shut down nursing homes and prevented the dying elderly from seeing their loved ones. “We put a greater price on getting that 93-year-old to 94 than we did on the quality of their life,” he says.
“It does seem strange that we can now keep people alive for a very long time, often in appalling circumstances where they’re demented, they may be blind and deaf. We’re obsessed in a way that doesn’t suggest acceptance of death in our culture.”
Radical acceptance
“In Mortals, we argue that of all the schools of thought over the last few thousand years, the group that were probably closest to giving us a solution were the stoics,” Professor Menzies says. “The stoics taught that desiring anything beyond your control is a recipe for anxiety. The principle of desire in stoicism is a simple one: if I only desire the things within my control, I won’t be anxious. If I desire a cup of tea, I won’t be anxious, but if I desire to see my children get to maturity, I’ll be anxious, because can’t make it happen. The Stoics encourage radical death acceptance. Humans need to accept their mortality and accept that death can come at any minute, and not rail against it so much.” It’s being accepting of whatever happens.
Healthy balance
Accepting death doesn’t mean we shouldn’t look after our health, but it’s doing so within the understanding that we can’t control our passing. “To be frank,” Professor Menzies says, “there’s not many things a person can do to stay healthy”. Research shows longevity is linked to balance in only a few things: moderate exercise, sleep, good diet, healthy weight and eliminating lifestyle factors known to contribute to early mortality.
“What goes wrong for humans is they start doing other things that are unnecessary,” he says. “Scrubbing their skin or checking the gas stove is off 50 times, or overly using the health system by checking the same symptoms three times in four weeks.”
Living better
It would be better if they were enjoying the moments they had,” he says. “Watching the movies, eating the pasta, listening to the music and just enjoying the fact that they got to experience existence, rather than railing against, you know, how long have I got in the theme park? We need people to get to the idea that that’s a bit of a boring question. Does it really matter if I live 727,000 hours or 762,000 hours? Surely what matters is how I lived during it.”
Embracing the reality of death helps us use our living time more wisely. In this sense, death can be a shrewd ally and counsel.
Death exposure
One of the most important principles in beating anxiety is confronting our fears, Professor Menzies adds. “We’ve known that for hundreds of years. You know, if someone’s afraid of dogs, you get them a puppy.” He says more collectivist societies deal better with death. In most modern Western societies, we’ve hidden death away and avoid contact with it as much as we can. “We used to live in villages, there’d be local graveyards and you might walk past many of your relatives on a daily basis,” he says. “Now, we put them in places like [western Sydney cemetery] Rookwood with a million people interred, but no one’s passing there. Now, the elderly don’t tend to live with us, so we don’t tend to see death in our homes. We put them off into nursing homes, palliative care units and so on. The majority of Australians wish to die in their homes. The majority do not get to, because we’ve medicalised the end of life. Even when people are dying with terminal illnesses, often nobody is talking to them about death, everyone’s avoiding the topic. It’s very strange.”
Talk about it
Professor Menzies encourages us to explore and talk openly about death. Benefits include helping us release our terror, plan better for our end, prepare others and die better. Talk about the sort of funeral you’d want, he suggests. Encourage your family and others to talk about death. “There’s this sort of death conversation that the positive death movement, which is trying to encourage a more positive attitude to the end of life, really emphasises.”
He thinks Death Cafes — an international movement where strangers gather to talk about death over coffee and cake — are great. Other opportunities for talking and thinking constructively about death include with death doulas, spiritualists, palliative care organisations and watching documentaries and movies on the topic.
Spiritual philosophies and practices
Philosophies and practices that encourage mindfulness, living in the now and embracing impermanence can help neutralise fear of our future demise. A study published in Mindfulness, in 2022, found both mindfulness and contemplative practices (visualising Mother Nature and encouraging a positive inner state) effective in reducing fear of death.
Does religion help? A study of data on 26,000 people worldwide, published in Religion, Brain & Behavior, found the most religious people and atheists tended to fear death the least. Shedding light on the paradox, a small, qualitative study, published in The Journal of Religion, Spirituality and Ageing, discovered those with a “loose” or “lost” religion expressed more fear of dying than participants with a lacking, lasting, liminal, learned (informed by academia) or liquid (blended spirituality) religion. A British YouGov study, also looking at this question, found non-practising religious people somewhat more likely to fear death than those practising their religion. Perhaps, inconsistency between our beliefs and behaviours increases death anxiety. Or we fear punishment in the afterlife.
Many have found hope in the millions of near-death experiences catalogued by medical professionals around the world. Experiencers generally cease to fear death.
What’s certain: hope makes our suffering more bearable. Death is a mystery and no small matter. We should not be shamed by our fear of it.
Article featured in WellBeing 217
The post Freedom from death anxiety appeared first on WellBeing Magazine.
Read the full article here:
Freedom from death anxiety
by | | Curated Content
July 28th 2025
–
WellBeing Magazine
–
Navigating infertility, Sheila Vijeyarasa redefined success, motherhood and her self-worth. Her IVF journey meant surrendering old expectations, embracing the unknown and finding deep transformation through adversity.
It’s not every day you find yourself being filmed on the toilet, trying to urinate on a pregnancy test strip. Yet Sheila Vijeyarasa found herself in exactly that situation. In her latest book, The Power of Little Steps, she writes, “As I sit here, with a camera capturing every awkward angle, I can’t help but wonder: ‘How did I get here?’ ‘This wasn’t the plan!’”
This intimate moment was being filmed for Channel 9 documentary Big Miracles, a behind-the-scenes look at the hope and heartbreak of infertility and in-vitro fertilisation (IVF). According to IVF Australia, “One in six Australian couples of reproductive age experience difficulties conceiving a child.” For so many couples and single women, becoming a parent requires an incredible amount of medical intervention.
This was certainly true for Vijeyarasa and her husband Tyson Salijevic. While they knew IVF would be difficult, they had no idea how physically and emotionally exhausting it would be. They didn’t know how much grief they would face or the bravery they would need to become parents.
The IVF journey
At age 38, Vijeyarasa had a successful career and was in a serious long-term relationship. However, when that relationship ended, she wasn’t ready to give up her dream of becoming a mum, so she froze her eggs. It wasn’t until she was 45 that she met her husband-to-be, Salijevic, who was 46. While they met later in life, they fell in love quickly.
Within three months, they were consulting with IVF Australia to start their journey to become parents. They began by using the eggs that Vijeyarasa froze. From her 11 frozen eggs, only one viable embryo formed, and sadly it didn’t result in pregnancy. From there, they harvested her eggs. But at age 46, the odds were stacked against them. They tried six rounds of IVF using her eggs, but unfortunately each attempt failed to produce a pregnancy. It was a heartbreaking process for the couple.
On their final round of IVF using her last egg, the Big Miracles cameras were rolling as Vijeyarasa did a home pregnancy test. The tension was palpable. When the cameras zoomed in and “not pregnant” appeared on the test strip, she buried her head in her husband’s shoulder, sobbing, “No, no, no!”. He took her in his arms and kissed her softly on the head. In that moment, they both knew that their dream of starting their own family was over.
Pivoting to Plan C
Their last IVF failure was devastating for the couple. “When things didn’t go as planned, it felt like the ground had been ripped out from beneath me,” Vijeyarasa says. “We felt betrayed, like utter failures. There’s a rawness when you realise the life you envisioned is slipping through your fingers, and no amount of effort can force it back into place.”
Even with incredible medical advancements, there’s still no guarantees with IVF. “This was a humbling realisation and forced me to reframe my expectations and lean into the deeper lessons of resilience and surrender,” Vijeyarasa says. To continue their journey, the couple needed to pivot to Plan C.
Their doctor suggested they consider conceiving using an egg donor. “It all felt scary and foreign,” Vijeyarasa says. “You’re going against the natural order of things. I worried the child wouldn’t love me, but deep down my biggest fear was that I wouldn’t love the child.”
It took time and deep soul searching for Vijeyarasa to consider having a child that wasn’t biologically hers. She says, “To embrace a Plan C mindset meant letting go of what I thought life should look like and leaning into the possibilities of what could be.”
Navigating grief and loss
Arriving at acceptance wasn’t easy. Vijeyarasa went into a grieving process for about three months when she realised she wouldn’t be able to conceive a child with her own eggs. “With IVF, the big grief is the first failed pregnancy test, and then after that it’s all compounding grief,” she says.
“Grief felt like a heavy all-encompassing fog that I couldn’t shake — a tsunami of energy. It would hit from the beginning of the day. When I would open my eyes in the morning, the first thing I would say is ‘I’m not a mother and I don’t know if I ever will be’.” Feeling scared and exhausted, she says, “I’d just roll over and pull the sheets over my head — I couldn’t face the day.”
As she navigated her grief, Vijeyarasa says, “I allowed myself to cry. I didn’t push it away or pretend it didn’t hurt. I leaned into the pain, knowing that healing begins with acknowledging the loss.” Facing the possibility she might not become a mother, she says, “I was grieving all the memories you imagine you will create as a parent and all the future milestones, like the first day of kindergarten, Christmas and vacations.”
Brave little steps
As overwhelming as this time was, Vijeyarasa chose to focus on small things she could do. She calls these her “little brave acts”. In her book, she defines these as, “Those small, gutsy moves that keep us going, even when life feels like a hot mess.” She says, “One of the most transformative lessons for me was understanding that bravery isn’t about a single, big, heroic act. It’s about taking one little step, then another.”
For Vijeyarasa, this meant starting her day asking, “What’s the little brave thing I could do today?”. Some days that meant dragging herself out of bed at 5am, changing out of her pyjama pants, putting on her sneakers and going for a walk, knowing no one would be around to see her. Other days she would go to yoga, meditate, go for a run or a brisk walk. Moving her body was an essential part of her healing process.
Her husband became her rock, helping her navigate this dark time. “Tyson reminded me of the power of partnership — of having someone by your side who believes in you even when you’re struggling to believe in yourself,” she says. “There were times I felt like I was free-falling into the abyss, but Tyson was always there to remind me that I wasn’t navigating this alone.”
Cocoon of healing
Essential to Vijeyarasa’s healing process was giving herself time in solitude and reflection, a phase she calls the “cocoon of healing”. She says, “When we’re in the winter of our life, we’re meant to turn down the noise of everything else around us. Cocooning means creating the conditions for deep healing and reflection. It’s where we do quiet, unseen work that prepares us to break free and emerge stronger, more aligned with who we’re meant to be.”
While she was in her cocooning phase, she got out her pen and paper. She explored some deep personal questions, a process she calls “brave awareness journaling”. She didn’t shy away from the tough questions. “I asked myself questions like, ‘What would my life look like if I didn’t have a child?’” she says. “‘What’s my vision for my life?’ ‘What is my greater purpose?’ ‘Who is Sheila in all this?’”
Navigating infertility means facing shame
This wasn’t a comfortable process for Vijeyarasa. Facing these questions took her into the depths of shame and guilt. “Shame and IVF go together,” she says. “IVF goes to the heart of our identity as women and who we are. Society looks at women and says, you’re successful if you’ve had children, even more so if you’ve had children and a career. I felt like I failed as a woman. I felt debilitating shame. I wondered, ‘If I’m not a mother, where is my worth in the world and society?’”
As she considered the possibility of a child-less future with her husband, she felt overwhelming shame and guilt as a wife. “I vividly remember the night before we did the second donor egg implantation. I turned to Tyson and I said directly, ‘We’re at the end now. We’re at our financial and energetic end. If we don’t have children, am I enough? Is this marriage enough?’” Vijeyarasa says. “He grabbed my hand and pulled me in, giving me a kiss and the biggest hug. He said, ‘My god, you’re more than enough.’ He said, ‘If this doesn’t work out, we are just going to have the most amazing life, and it will be a different life.’”
Letting go and accepting
It took immense bravery to face their deepest fears and come to a place of acceptance. Despite how much Vijeyarasa and Salijevic wanted a family, they trusted they would be okay if they couldn’t. “I would’ve found another way to love, another way to have expansion,” she says. “That would’ve grown me in another direction.”
Finding new hope
After a three-year journey of heartbreak and loss, the couple were finally successful when Vijeyarasa fell pregnant at 47, on their second round of IVF using a donor egg. On April 11, 2024, Phoenix was welcomed into the world, a beautiful, healthy baby boy. For the couple, this was the happiest moment of their lives. They have since revealed on Big Miracles that they are going to try for baby number two.
Challenging societal norms
The IVF journey challenged Vijeyarasa’s views about motherhood and love. Her fears of not being able to bond or love her son were unfounded. “Becoming a donor mum expanded my understanding of what it means to create and nurture life,” she says. “It’s about love, connection and the commitment to show up for another human being, no matter how they come into your life.”
Vijeyarasa doesn’t shy away from challenging societal norms through brave life choices. “When you become a donor mum, you’re teaching everyone to love in a different way, because it’s such an unconventional way to love,” she says. “You’re teaching everyone to give up their outdated beliefs about how to start a family. It’s wonderful when people break the rules around us, they open up a sense of possibility.”
Personal transformation
Vijeyarasa’s journey to becoming a mum changed her. “I’ve softened, I’ve slowed down. I have deep empathy for anyone having fertility struggles,” she says. “I also have so much respect for mothers and motherhood, because of the fight I needed to take to get there.”
She also has empathy for those struggling to achieve a dream. Those who feel stuck and unsure if it’s ever going to happen. To them, she says, “Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep going, keep pivoting through little brave acts.”
Even though her IVF journey didn’t go to plan, she has come to value the transformative power of Plan C. In her book, she writes, “Plan C isn’t just another fallback plan; it’s often the path that’s most aligned with our true purpose and where we find real fulfilment.”
Reflecting on her IVF journey and becoming a mum, she says, “For me, I realised it was always meant to be this donor path. Now that I look into Phoenix’s eyes, I know, ‘You were always meant to be my son. Not the eggs I froze at 38.’”
The present, the future
Vijeyarasa has a deeper sense of purpose in her life and is passionate about sharing her story to help others. She is a regular keynote speaker and has poured her heart into her new book, The Power of Little Steps — a guide to help others navigate life when things don’t go to plan.
Being on Big Miracles has also taught her the power of vulnerability. “After the show aired, countless people reached out to share their own struggles with fertility, resilience and life not going to plan,” Vijeyarasa says. “Sharing my journey on television taught me the power of vulnerability. It reminded me that by telling our stories, we create space for others to find strength in their own.”
Vijeyarasa’s journey to becoming a mum has been anything but conventional. It was a path filled with resilience, heartbreak, bravery and ultimately deep personal growth. “This journey taught me to surrender control, trust the process and stay open to the unexpected,” she says.
Reflecting on her experiences, she says, “Becoming a mum was not just a biological journey; it was a spiritual and emotional one. It required me to redefine what motherhood looked like for me. Today, I can say with gratitude that every tear, every failure and every brave act brought me to this moment, holding my son and knowing it was all worth it.”
Article featured in WellBeing Magazine 217
The post Plan C: Navigating infertility appeared first on WellBeing Magazine.
Read the full article here:
Plan C: Navigating infertility
by | | Curated Content
July 28th 2025
–
WellBeing Magazine
–
Whether it’s news, social media, shopping or streaming our favourite shows, smartphones offer us life “on-demand”. But experts think this convenience comes at a hidden cost. Diminishing our patience, instant gratification can be holding us back from reaching long-term goals.
Good things come to those who wait. It’s a saying many of us are familiar with. But with smartphones and apps offer us the potential to have almost whatever we want, whenever we want it. The days when we needed to wait for things seem long gone.
Many retailers now off er same-day delivery. We can get a lift at the click of a button on ride-share apps. We can consume news stories instantly, instead of waiting to read tomorrow morning’s newspaper. We’re nudged when a streaming service drops a full season of a new show to binge-watch.
While this “on-demand” culture offers comfort and convenience, instant gratification comes at a hidden cost. Some experts believe that this immediacy mindset is rewiring our brain: diminishing our patience, encouraging impulsive decision-making and conditioning us to prioritise short-term fixes over long-term goals.
Understanding instant gratification and dopamine addiction
If you’ve ever been frustrated by needing to wait for something, it’s probably not your fault. Experts believe that a desire for instant gratification and the pursuit of dopamine — a neurotransmitter and “happy” hormone — is most likely an evolutionary trait. Our ancestors who readily took advantage of immediate rewards were more likely to survive unpredictable environments where food and resources were scarce.
Sydney-based clinical psychologist and author of The Dopamine Brain, Dr Anastasia Hronis, says, “Smartphones and social media apps are designed to stimulate the brain’s reward system and activate dopamine. This occurs with every notification, like and comment. This can create a cycle where someone is constantly seeking ‘more’.”
Whether it’s likes and follows, progress bars, rewards, surprise discounts or other gamification elements, many apps stimulate dopamine. These apps are designed to create anticipation of a reward and offer validation – instant gratification.
“These quick and easy bursts of dopamine can lead to the brain craving immediate reward and short-term gratification,” explains Hronis. “Since it is so easy to access … it can make it harder for people to engage with harder activities for longer-term gratification.”
The long game
The bad news is that these more challenging activities are often the ones that are going to bring us more sustainable happiness. These are our long-term goals. Perhaps saving to buy a new home, meet a life partner, achieve career success or go on a dream holiday.
With immediacy culture keeping us trapped in a cycle of impulsivity, our future-orientated decisions are often de-prioritised in preference for short-term pleasure or convenience.
Perth-based clinical and counselling psychologist Kerstin Anderson-Ridge says, “I think this constant availability of that dopamine hit — things like social media or binge-watching TV — can make it so much more difficult to focus on tasks that really require more of a sustained eff ort.
“We have a weakened ability to set and achieve our longer-term goals [when being impulsive] — things like how we want our career growth to be, our fitness, our financial stability, which all take time, and they all take effort. But we’ve become so conditioned to expect everything instantly, we often give up really easily when things get a bit tough,” she explains.
Anderson-Ridge says the first step is to reframe the idea of rewards. Staying focused on our long-term goals, instead of always reaching for quick dopamine hits. “Instead of focusing on what you’re missing right that minute, it’s focusing on what you’ll get later. An example might be if you tend to quit something — a goal or a project you set yourself. It’s reminding yourself of the long-term satisfaction of finishing it, rather than the short-term pain of doing it.”
For example, online dating isn’t always fun. Especially if you mindlessly swipe through potential matches seeking instant validation. But pushing through the discomfort of awkward small talk may feel easier if you focus on your end goal — meeting someone you click with, even if (probably like you!) they aren’t “perfect” straight off .
Impulse control
With everything on-demand, delayed gratification — the ability to resist immediate rewards in order to achieve greater or meaningful rewards in the future — is becoming a lost art. But research suggests that developing the skills utilised in delayed gratification. Skills such as patience and self-control, can help boost your wellbeing in the long run.
The most well-known experiment on delayed gratification was by Stanford University in the 1960s. Researchers gave a group of preschool-aged children a marshmallow. The children were told they could eat the marshmallow right away. But, if they waited an extra 15 minutes, they would receive two marshmallows and could eat both.
When following up with the children later in life across several decades, the researchers found that those who had been able to wait — to delay gratification — for the second marshmallow ended up performing better academically. As adults, they coped better with stress and pursued their goals more effectively. They were also far less likely to be overweight.
Experts believe that having better and more well-practised impulse control allows you to make conscious, mindful decisions. Decisions which can lead to healthier choices around things like diet, exercise and relationships. It also enables you to resist the temptation of short-term rewards that could have a detrimental effect. Things such as alcohol, drugs, doom-scrolling and compulsive spending.
Offloading thinking
Anderson-Ridge thinks this culture of having everything on-demand is also affecting our short-term planning and organisational skills. If we want to travel somewhere, a few swipes can bring a ride-share driver to our door. We don’t need to plan ahead to check bus timetables or leave extra time for delays. If takeaway food can be delivered in 20 minutes, we don’t need to schedule time for a supermarket trip or for meal prep.
Relying on our smartphones for instant access to information also means we don’t need to use our brainpower or cognitive skills as much. For example, we can instantly receive directions to a restaurant on Google maps instead of calculating a route ourselves. Language translation apps can replace our brain’s need to memorise foreign phrases for our next overseas trip.
This can make it easier for us to avoid problem-solving and thinking for ourselves. A study published in 2015 by the University of Waterloo in Canada echoes this. The research suggested that smartphone users who are intuitive thinkers — those more likely to rely on gut feelings when making decisions — frequently use their device’s search engine rather than their own brainpower. The researchers found that these individuals may look up information that they actually know or could easily learn, but were unwilling to make the eff ort to actually think about it.
Instant gratification and frustration tolerance
By losing the skill of delayed gratification, experts also believe our tolerance for minor inconveniences is being diminished.
“There’s a skill we refer to as ‘frustration tolerance’. That is, our ability to tolerate frustration,” says Hronis. “We build this when we have to work hard to get something we want. It helps us cope with setbacks in life, manage difficult situations and regulate unpleasant and challenging emotions, without becoming overly distressed.”
A higher frustration tolerance helps us become more resilient and cope with daily annoyances. Small things like conflict at work, family arguments, or a delayed train. Even things like your favourite lunch-time snack being sold out.
“When we have access to instant gratification and things are pretty easy, then we lose the opportunities to build that tolerance to challenges and frustrations. This can certainly contribute to people becoming more impatient, as well as having shorter attention spans.”
If you get easily angry or frustrated at minor inconveniences like waiting for slow webpages to load, being stuck in traffic, or not immediately being able to find something in the office kitchen, you may have a low frustration tolerance.
Patience is a skill
The good news is that like a muscle, you can gradually train your frustration tolerance to increase it. Look for opportunities to expose yourself to frustrating moments and sit with them. Rather than always opting for the quickest and easiest option through your phone.
Every now and then, stand in line for the cashier at the supermarket instead of whisking through the self-checkout or ordering groceries for home delivery. Enjoy making a “wish list” and wait a week to buy something instead of impulsively clicking “buy now”. Instead of binge-watching a full season of a Netflix show in a weekend, watch only one episode a week. Make a conscious effort. Yes — even if it ends on a cliff hanger!
Finding comfort in discomfort
Pushing through discomfort can not only increase your frustration tolerance but help build your overall resilience and ability to focus.
According to Sydney-based psychologist and cyberpsychology researcher, Jocelyn Brewer, “We train our attention based on the media that we consume. If you’re consuming TikTok or very short-form video content, and you’re not making time to reflect or digest what you’re consuming, then it will chop your attention up into confetti.”
Studies show that attention spans are declining as smartphone usage increases. One study, by psychologist Gloria Mark of the University of California, Irvine, found that over the last 20 years, the average time that a person can focus on one thing has dropped from around two and a half minutes to 47 seconds.
Next time you want to open Instagram to scroll through reels or mindlessly swipe through more potential matches on Hinge, pause to question why you are opting to swipe, click or scroll. It may be a coping mechanism to self-soothe or distract yourself from life’s problems, instead of dealing with them.
To combat this, Brewer suggests a technique that she calls “urge surfing”. This is putting a space between the urge and the action, to help assess your need for it. Even just waiting 20 minutes for the initial urge to wear off could help. “Just notice that urge, write it down, distract yourself, see how long you can go without thinking about it.”
Brewer says this can help you consider whether it’s something you really need to consume. Brewer says to ask yourself, “Or is that just a massive distraction from doing the big stuff , the uncomfortable stuff , all the things that we procrastinate on, whether that’s work, home or processing our emotions.”
Choosing inconvenience?
Rediscovering the art of delayed gratification doesn’t mean throwing away all the convenience that technology offers us. It’s about finding balance. It’s about being mindful and patient in a world that constantly tells us to “act now or miss out”.
Article published in WellBeing Magazine 217
The post The hidden cost of instant gratification appeared first on WellBeing Magazine.
Read the full article here:
The hidden cost of instant gratification
by | | Curated Content
July 28th 2025
–
WellBeing Magazine
–
When you hear the word “detox”, you might first think of juice cleanses, supplements or complex protocols. Yet every day, detoxification occurs in your body through a network of organs working behind the scenes to filter, process and eliminate waste. By supporting these systems with key nutrients and simple lifestyle shifts, you can help your body function at its best. A natural detox, every day.
Every day, our bodies are exposed to toxins from the air we breathe, the food we eat, the water we drink and those generated internally. Fortunately, our bodies are equipped with incredible detoxification systems that process these toxins into safer substances for elimination. The liver, kidneys, skin, lungs, digestive and lymphatic systems all work tirelessly together to remove toxins and keep us in balance. However, when these systems become overwhelmed or lack the right nutritional support, toxins can accumulate, triggering inflammation, oxidative stress and increased risk of chronic health issues. Understanding how these pathways work and what they need to thrive is key to supporting your body’s natural detox capacity.
Key detoxification organs
The liver is the body’s primary detoxification organ, filtering toxins from the bloodstream and transforming them into forms that can be safely eliminated. It processes everything we ingest including food, drinks, medications and substances absorbed through the skin. The kidneys flush waste through urine, while the digestive system removes toxins via bowel movements. The lungs expel carbon dioxide and airborne toxins with each exhale, and the skin releases waste through sweat. Meanwhile, the lymphatic system clears cellular waste, supporting immune function and easing the burden on other detox organs.
Phases of liver detoxification
Liver detoxification occurs in three essential phases. In phase one (activation), the liver uses cytochrome P450 enzyme to break down fat-soluble toxins, creating byproducts that may be more harmful if not quickly neutralised. Phase two (conjugation) takes over by attaching these byproducts to protective molecules like glutathione, sulphate or amino acids. Finally, in phase three (elimination), the neutralised toxins exit the body through bile into the digestive system, where they are removed via the stool or through the kidneys into the urine. Supporting all three phases with the right nutrients helps ensure a smooth and effective detox process.
Burdens on the system
The body’s detoxification systems are influenced by various environmental, dietary and lifestyle factors that can either support or hinder their function. Exposure to xenobiotics, which are foreign substances not naturally produced by the body — including medications, chemicals in skincare and cleaning products, air and water pollution, pesticides, herbicides, heavy metals, mould and micro-plastics — place a significant burden on the liver, kidneys and other detox organs. These toxins, often fat-soluble, accumulate in tissues over time, disrupting hormonal balance, impairing cellular function and contributing to oxidative stress.
Ultra-processed foods with additives, preservatives and trans fats strain detox pathways, while offering little nutritional support. Alcohol, smoking and chronic stress deplete critical detox nutrients such as glutathione and B vitamins. Low-fibre intake can cause constipation and the reabsorption of toxins, while poor hydration hinders waste removal via urine. Combined, these factors can overwhelm the body’s detoxification systems. Therefore, a whole-food diet, stress management and minimising exposure to environmental toxins are essential for supporting detoxification systems.
Support detoxification naturally
A well-designed detox-friendly diet is rich in nutrients, antioxidants, fibre and amino acids and minimises exposure to harmful chemicals, additives and ultra-processed foods. It also reduces the intake of sugar, alcohol and inflammatory ingredients, thereby easing the burden on the liver and gut.
Focus on whole foods
A clean eating approach that emphasises fresh seasonal fruits and vegetables, fibre-rich whole grains (brown rice, oats, quinoa), quality proteins (wild fish, organic chicken and eggs, organic tofu and tempeh, legumes, organic Greek yoghurt) and healthy fats (avocado, extra-virgin olive oil, raw nuts and seeds) provides the nutrients needed to optimise liver function, promote toxin elimination and enhance overall health. Where possible, choose organic free-range pasture-fed poultry, eggs, dairy and meat, and wild-caught low-mercury fish such as salmon, trout, mackerel, sardines and anchovies.
Opt for organic
Choosing organic foods is a powerful way to lower pesticide exposure and support your body’s natural detoxification processes. Organic produce is grown without synthetic pesticides, herbicides or fertilisers and is free from GMOs, reducing your intake of harmful chemicals. Prioritising organic options whenever possible helps create a cleaner, more nourishing diet. For the freshest seasonal organic produce, visit your local farmers’ market.
Increase fibre intake
Insoluble fibre keeps bowel movements regular, preventing constipation and ensuring toxins are effectively removed from the body. Soluble fibre, on the other hand, acts as a prebiotic, feeding beneficial gut bacteria that aid digestion, detoxification, immunity and overall health. For optimal detox support, include a variety of fibre-rich foods in the diet that contain soluble and insoluble fi bres, such as whole grains (brown rice, oats), vegetables including root vegetables, legumes, nuts and seeds (fl axseeds, chia seeds, quinoa), as well as psyllium husks and gut-soothing slippery elm.
Boost antioxidants
Antioxidants neutralise free radicals and reduce oxidative stress. Vitamin C-rich fruits (citrus, berries, kiwi) and beetroot support liver detox. Green tea, turmeric, coriander and ginger provide antioxidant and anti-inflammatory benefits. Avocados, rich in vitamin E, glutathione precursors and healthy fats, enhance phase two liver detox pathways.
Benefits of brassicas
Broccoli, kale, Brussels sprouts and cabbage contain glucosinolates, which convert into sulforaphane and indole-3-carbinol — compounds that enhance phase two detox. These vegetables also provide fibre and antioxidants.
Include bitter foods
Bitter foods, such as dandelion greens, arugula, chicory, mustard greens, collards and Swiss chard, stimulate bile production in the liver, aiding in the breakdown and elimination of fats and toxins. Add them to salads, smoothies, soups or stir-fries or lightly sauté them with olive oil and garlic. Apple-cider vinegar and lemon juice are also considered bitters. Add a tablespoon of apple-cider vinegar or lemon juice to a glass of water each morning, use it as a tangy salad dressing or squeeze fresh lemon juice over dishes.
Switch out sugar
Replace sugary drinks and treats with water, herbal teas, protein smoothies and whole fruit. Choose nourishing breakfasts like oats or granola with fruit, nuts and yoghurt. Opt for good-quality dark chocolate (at least 70 per cent cacao). Make healthy homemade desserts and baked goods from wholesome ingredients rich in fibre, protein and healthy fats, like almond and coconut flour, nuts and seeds, healthy oils (coconut, olive oil, macadamia nut) and naturally sweeten with fresh fruits, stevia, a little coconut sugar or raw honey.
Eliminate ultra-processed foods
Avoid heavily processed and refined foods like convenience meals, pre-packaged snacks and store-bought baked goods. These are often stripped of nutrients and fibre, while being loaded with unhealthy hydrogenated fats and artificial additives, which can burden your body’s detoxification systems and harm overall health. Swap processed meats like bacon, ham, hot dogs and sausages for healthier options including grass-fed beef, wild-caught salmon or organic chicken. Avoid seed oils such as canola, soybean, vegetable, rice bran and cottonseed oil. These oils are highly processed, often refined using chemical solvents and can be high in inflammatory omega-6 fats. Opt for healthier alternatives like extra-virgin olive oil, avocado oil, macadamia nut oil or coconut oil.
Keep well hydrated
Staying hydrated is vital for kidney function, nutrient transport and waste removal through urine, sweat and healthy bowel movements. Proper hydration also helps keep lymph moving efficiently, as lymph fluid is primarily composed of water. Aim for around 2.5L of filtered water daily to support these processes. Herbal teas and sparkling mineral waters are included in your daily water intake.
Nutrients that support detoxification
Your body’s detoxification systems rely on key nutrients to function optimally. Antioxidants, amino acids and essential vitamins and minerals play a crucial role in supporting liver detox pathways, reducing oxidative stress and ensuring efficient toxin elimination. By providing your body with the right nutritional support, you can enhance all three phases of liver detoxification, promoting overall health and vitality.
B vitamins (B2, B3, B6, B12, folate): Support phases one and two, especially methylation. Found in leafy greens, legumes and eggs. Consider an activated B-complex if needed.
Amino acids: Needed for phase two detox. Glutathione (from glycine, cysteine and glutamate) is the body’s master antioxidant. Taurine, methionine, glycine and arginine also support detox. Ensure adequate protein from quality sources.
Vitamin C: Antioxidant that supports glutathione and heavy metal clearance. Found in citrus, berries, tomatoes, kiwi and red capsicum.
Selenium: Boosts glutathione and supports metal clearance. Brazil nuts are an excellent source. Also found in tuna, eggs and mushrooms.
Zinc: Activates detox enzymes and supports antioxidant defences. Found in pumpkin seeds, quinoa, eggs and grass-fed meats.
Magnesium: Supports both detox phases and heavy metal excretion. Found in leafy greens, nuts, cacao and whole grains.
Herbs
Incorporating certain herbs into your diet or supplementation routine can optimise detoxification and improve health.
The gallbladder plays a key role in detoxification by storing and releasing bile, which helps eliminate fat-soluble toxins, including excess hormones, heavy metals and environmental chemicals. Sluggish bile flow (cholestasis) can lead to toxin build up, causing digestive issues, hormone imbalances and inflammation. Herbs such as artichoke leaf (Cynara scolymus), dandelion root (Taraxacum officinale) and barberry (Berberis vulgaris) have been shown to support healthy bile flow and aid detoxification. Globe artichoke and dandelion root are also both effective in supporting digestive health and relieving constipation. With their mild laxative effects, they help promote regular bowel movements to facilitate the elimination of toxins from the body.
Several other herbs are known for their ability to enhance liver health and detoxification. Milk thistle (Silybum marianum), with its active compound silymarin, protects liver cells, promotes regeneration and supports both phase one and two detoxification, making it a powerful liver herb. Turmeric (Curcuma longa) offers strong anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties, helping to protect liver cells and stimulate bile flow. Schisandra (Schisandra chinensis) modulates liver enzymes, boosts detox pathways and reduces oxidative stress, while bupleurum root (Bupleurum falcatum, Bupleurum chinense) supports overall liver health and detoxification.
Burdock root (Arctium lappa) is a potent blood purifier that supports kidney and liver function, assisting in the removal of heavy metals and toxins from the bloodstream. Nettle leaf (Urtica dioica), with its natural diuretic properties, promotes kidney function and toxin elimination through urine. Coriander (Coriandrum sativum) further supports detoxification by helping to remove heavy metals such as mercury, lead and aluminium, often paired with chlorella to enhance toxin binding and excretion.
Together, these herbs provide comprehensive support for detoxification.
Limit environmental toxins
Reducing your exposure to environmental toxins is essential for supporting your body’s natural detoxification systems. Daily exposure to pesticides, plastics, heavy metals, mould and air pollutants can burden detox pathways and increase your toxic load. Minimise this by choosing 100 per cent natural cleaning products, fragrances, skincare, deodorants and beauty products. Reduce plastic use by opting for glass or stainless-steel drink bottles and food containers. Improve indoor air quality by incorporating air-purifying plants, ensuring good ventilation. A high-quality water filtration system is also beneficial.
To reduce heavy metal exposure through food, choose smaller fish like wild-caught salmon, trout, cod, sardines, herring and anchovies, which are lower in mercury. Avoid larger, high-mercury fish such as tuna, king mackerel, shark and swordfish.
Enhance lymphatic flow
The lymphatic system clears waste, toxins and excess fluid, supporting detoxification and immune function. Unlike the circulatory system, it doesn’t have a central pump and relies on movement and deep breathing. Sluggish flow can lead to bloating, fatigue and a weakened immune system. Lymphatic massage, dry brushing, regular movement such as walking or yoga and deep breathing can all support healthy flow.
Sweating and sauna
Sweating is an effective way to eliminate toxins, helping to lighten the body’s detoxification burden. Sauna therapy amplifies this process by promoting heat-induced sweating, boosting circulation and supporting the excretion of toxins through the skin. Encouraging regular sweating through exercise or sauna use will enhance detox pathways and support overall health.
The brain’s nightly detox
During deep sleep, the brain’s glymphatic system flushes out waste and harmful proteins like beta-amyloid, linked to cognitive decline. Disrupted sleep impairs this process, contributing to toxin buildup and inflammation. Prioritising good sleep enhances brain detox and long-term wellbeing. Small, consistent changes can make a big difference in reducing toxin buildup and lowering the risk of inflammation and chronic disease. Prioritising detox-supportive habits will leave you feeling more energised, balanced and resilient.
Article featured in WellBeing Magazine 217
The post Support for your natural detox system appeared first on WellBeing Magazine.
Read the full article here:
Support for your natural detox system
by | | Curated Content
July 28th 2025
–
WellBeing Magazine
–
We all tell lies. That is a sad but undeniable truth. The question is whether those lies damage the important relationships in your life and, if they do, how can you get better at handling the truth?
Relationships are challenging. Two people coming together to co-habit and share a lifetime, or even a few years, with each other can be difficult, if for no other reason than people are different. No two people are identical in their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, or hopes and dreams. After the doe-eyed, weak-kneed, reality-defying honeymoon phase, a relationship must move into something more sustainable. Lasting relationships are not built on love, they are built on trust. For trust to exist, honesty must feed it. If you want to bring truth-telling into a relationship, though, you need to be ready for the consequences. So, in the interest of relationships everywhere, we’ll explore how you can navigate honesty in your relationship. Before we do that, however, it behoves us to think about why we might lie in the first place.
Why lie?
On the face of it, as the truism says, honesty is the best policy. If that is the case, though, why do we all lie? Yes, even you tell lies, and you probably do it quite often. One study conducted at the University of Massachusetts and published in the Journal of Basic and Applied Psychology found that during any given 10-minute conversation, 60 per cent of people will lie. Maybe those “60 per cent” are real bad seeds, but researchers at the University of Notre Dame found that the average person lies about 11 times per week. That’s more than once a day. It points to the fact that lying is simply part of being human and there are many reasons why this is the case.
For a start, lying is a strategy favoured by evolution. You can use a lie to save yourself embarrassment or boost your image. If you lie about being the one who spilled your mammoth milk and put out the fire, then you can maintain your status in your neolithic tribe. It is natural to want others to think well of you. A well-placed lie can help in that regard. Humans need to be liked and lying can make that easier.
Lying is okay
Sometimes, a lie is not entirely selfish. When your partner asks, “Does my butt look big in this”, they are really looking for affirmation and your lie of, “Noooo, it looks wonderful!” makes them feel supported and confident.
That is all fairly innocuous lying but, in her book, Lying, philosopher Sissela Bok makes the point, “Those who begin with white lies can come to resort to more frequent and serious ones … The aggregate harm from a large number of marginally harmful instances may, therefore, be highly undesirable in the end — for liars, those deceived, and honesty and trust more generally.”
Small lies can inure you to the effect of lying and may eventually lead to lying about bigger things. Like money spent on a credit card, gambling or infidelity. Lying has a spectrum and the endpoint of it is not pretty.
Nevertheless, we lie because, in the short term, it is often easier than being honest. Lying may lead to problems in the long term, but honesty is not without its own downsides.
Too true?
Before we go too far down the rabbit hole of creating honesty in your relationship, it is wise to consider whether telling the truth is a worthwhile goal? German philosopher Immanuel Kant famously said, “By a lie, a [human] annihilates [his/her] dignity as a [human].” However, Kant is also renowned for taking this attitude to an extreme degree. For instance, he posed the question of what you should do if a potential murderer asks you where your friend is. Kant’s answer is that you should tell the murderer the truth. Would you save your friend’s life by telling a lie?
Another philosopher, Ludwig Wittgenstein, was described by his biographer Norman Malcolm as having a “ruthless integrity which did not spare him or anyone else”. There are countless instances of Wittgenstein behaving with a “cold brutality” in the name of being honest, and of hurting people in the process.
If people are hurt by your honesty, you could argue that is their problem. But as members of a society, surely, we must take some responsibility for how our actions and utterances impact others? A blind adherence to truth-telling might reflect an inability to deal with the nuanced demands of social relationships.
Nevertheless, while unvarnished and thoughtless truth-telling can have negative outcomes, there is a range of benefits that arise from artful truth-telling in your relationships.
Truth is truly liberating
Honesty is an essential part of allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It also helps undo any self-deception that you might be carrying around. In psychological terms, being truthful reduces “cognitive dissonance”, the mental disharmony that arises from contradictions between what you do and what you believe.
Being truthful allows you to address your reality. It allows you to take meaningful steps toward creating harmony within yourself and in your relationships to others. In fact, the “Science of Honesty” project at the University of Notre Dame found that truth-telling improves both mental and physical health. This study of adults aged between 18 and 71, found that lying was shown to increase levels of stress, sadness and depression. Repeated lying was found to also associate with increased physical complaints such as headaches and sore throats.
Habitual lying means that you desensitise yourself to the deception of others. Your conscience gradually becomes worn away. The Dalai Lama once said, “A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.” Truth-telling by contrast is liberating and empowering. As Thomas Mann, early 20th-century German novelist and philosopher said, “A harmful truth is better than a useful lie.”
Truth-telling improves your health and helps your relationships to flourish, but that does not mean it is easy. Just like any skill, if you want to be able to tell the truth, you need to familiarise yourself with the components of the skill first.
Truth-telling tips
The key to valuable truth-telling is intention. If you tell the truth hoping to manipulating an outcome or hurt another, only negativity can follow. If, however, you tell the truth with the best interests of the recipient at heart, then even if difficult times follow, in the long run you will both benefit. That means the first step is to do the work on yourself so that you can be sure of your motivation. Having established self-awareness and knowing that your intention is to uplift rather than destroy, it is still necessary to have some guidelines in mind that will enable your truth-telling.
Simplify
Elaborate explanations will only obscure your point and allow for misunderstandings and misdirection. Speak your truth simply and in unvarnished terms. If you are confident in it, that should be easy, if you are not confident in it, then don’t speak it.
Stop and listen
When you are speaking your truth, don’t do it in a tirade. Make sure that you pause and give your partner time to digest what is being said and respond to it if they need to. When they do respond, listen to what they are saying. Avoid just trying to bring the conversation to whatever your talking points may be.
Mind your language
The language that you use to convey your truth can make a big difference to how it is received. “I’ve noticed” is a good way to lead into your topic. Mind you, this is not a licence to say whatever you want. “I’ve noticed that you are a complete twat” is not a helpful relationship-building comment. However, “I’ve noticed you have not been wanting to spend as much time with me” is a non-accusatory opener.
To indicate that you empathise with your partner and are not just seeing them as the enemy, use phrases like, “I imagine you must be feeling pretty upset about what is happening at work.” The phrase “I imagine” shows them that you are trying to put yourself in their shoes and keeps you both on the same side.
Express what you are feeling but don’t state it as an accusation or hard fact. “I feel” is an invitation for your partner to consider what you are experiencing. Lastly, if you are telling the truth, be sure to not just present a problem but also offer a solution. Using the phrase “I need”, as in, “I need to keep playing soccer to take my mind off work” or “I need for us to talk about this with a counsellor”, is a way of suggesting how you see the relationship moving forward.
Remember whose truth it is
It takes courage to tell the truth but always remind yourself that it is YOUR truth. As alarming as it is to consider, you might be wrong.
Collaborate
Both partners, at least partly, own any distress in a relationship. When you tell your truth, remember that whatever is happening is partly caused by you. Enter your truth-telling with a willingness to see what you are doing and hear how your partner perceives you. Owning your part in whatever is happening makes your relationship a collaboration rather than a competition.
Stay curious
If you go into a truth-telling session with hard and fast outcomes as your goal, then you are inviting disappointment into your life. If you are willing to dispense honesty, then you must also be willing to receive it. Be curious and stay interested in what your partner has to say in response. Curiosity might have killed the cat, but it saved the relationship.
Remember that lying is a tool. It’s a survival strategy that we weaponise to avoid embarrassment. To boost self-esteem. To create an image and protect the feelings of others. It’s not always bad to lie but it is bad to always lie. Truth-telling must have a place in a healthy relationship. If employed with judgement, tact and grace, it will deepen intimacy and improve self-esteem for both the truth-teller and the truth-hearer.
Article published in WellBeing Magazine 217
The post Handling the truth appeared first on WellBeing Magazine.
Read the full article here:
Handling the truth
