August 4th 2026
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WellBeing Magazine
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Five-year-old Emily stomped through the front door after school, tears streaming down her cheeks, sobbing, “All the kids at school hate me.” Her mum Cass was dumfounded. Emily had mates, didn’t she? She’d animatedly chatted about her new friend Kaylah over breakfast that morning — claiming she was her “bestest friend”.
If your child is upset over a friendship rift or is feeling not liked by their peers, your first instinct as a parent is probably to reassure. “Lots of kids like you. What about that birthday party you went to last week?”
It’s natural to want to quickly comfort your child, but Christina Peak, social worker and holistic counsellor from Childspeak, says before you do, stop and take a breath. “Listen, validate and empathise with their feelings, then go to problem-solving if that’s what your child wants,” she explains. “Often we jump into problem-solving straight up and that’s not necessarily what your child needs.”
Watch your emotional response
It’s also important to keep your own emotions in check. If your child senses you’re very upset on their behalf, that can indicate to them that it is in fact a huge problem, when it might not be. Another point to consider is how you react as a parent to situations — this also comes with its own bias, based on your childhood experiences and how you felt about childhood friendships.
If your child’s angst is related to a particular incident, Peak says it’s important to explore what actually happened. “Your child might have seen a couple of kids talking, laughing and looking over at them — but it may have nothing to do with your child at all,” she notes.
If your little one doesn’t want to talk right away, give them room to think through and process what’s happened. When they’re ready to share what’s on their mind, be prepared to really listen. Sometimes that’s all they need.
Friendship connections
Friendships enrich our lives; they offer comfort and a sense of belonging as we share experiences. But not all friendships are meant to last. Even as an adult there will be friendships that you outgrow, those that dwindle over time and those that are fleeting and fragile, only briefly touching our lives.
Jaimie Bloch, clinical psychologist and founder of Mind Movers Psychology, says it’s par for the course that kids will experience friendship challenges at school. “Even adult friendships can ebb and flow, and some won’t last — it’s a normal experience of being human,” she says.
Childhood friendships can also be even more transient in nature, as kids grow and explore who they are and how they fit into the world. The child who is your offspring’s nemesis today might be their best bud by the end of the week. Bloch says this is because kids are still learning about relating to others. “They’ll use extremes like ‘I hate you’; there can be all or nothing, or black-and-white thinking,” she explains. “This is where parents can step in to support them in shifting their perspective.”
Creating opportunities for friendship
If your child is struggling to form meaningful connections, ask them about friendship and what it means. What is a good friend? Are you a good friend? How do you expect to be treated as a friend?
Bloch says working to broaden your child’s social network can be helpful. “Sometimes at school we are forced to be friends with people who aren’t really our tribe,” she says. School isn’t the only place to discover a sense of connection and belonging. If your child doesn’t already play team sport, getting them involved in activities where they can learn the value and intricacies of teamwork can be a step in the right direction to help them form meaningful friendships.
Create opportunities for your child to bond with others through play dates. You can set the scene for positive interaction by letting your child arrange some games — let them be the one to direct or guide the play date. After a few catch-ups, a casual play date pal might soon become a regular.
A word on imaginary friends
Around 65 per cent of young children have imaginary friends. Marjorie Taylor, author of Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them, says imaginary friends often cop a bad rap. Popular culture can paint a troubling picture of imaginary friends. The author notes that very young kids can have imaginary friends simply because it is fun. “The view that is emerging from recent research is that children who create pretend friends are social people — if no-one is around to play with, these children make someone up,” she writes.
The shy child
Each and every one of us is unique. And that is a beautiful thing. Some kids like to be the centre of attention; they’ll attract lots of other kids who want to be friends. But for others, they’ll happily sit reading or do puzzles on their own, or they might just have one friend over to play. And that is OK.
Peak says it’s important as a parent to respect your child and what they feel comfortable with. “Your shy child will find people they connect with – but if we push that, we’re sending the message that there is something wrong with the way they are, and that creates more challenges,” she says. However, if your child wants friends and is telling you they feel lonely, that’s different. That’s where parents need to intervene.
The popular kids
This crew are portrayed the world over as the ‘in’ crowd. They can be the coolest kids, those with plenty of cash to splash around and a rock-solid sense of self worth. They might be the class clown, the prettiest girl or the boys who excel at sports, and they’re usually surrounded by lots of kids.
If your child is complaining about not being popular, Bloch suggests exploring what being popular means to them. “How are they valuing themselves? They might think that having lots of friends makes them valuable, when it doesn’t,” she notes. Encourage your child to be honest and kindhearted, to be fair and friendly, and they’ll find kids who share the same values and attitudes.
Looking for bullying behaviour
It’s not always easy to know when your child is being bullied. Many will keep quiet about it for fear of ridicule. Bloch says there are some signs to look for. “Not wanting to go to school, their grades slipping and changes in focus and concentration are some signs,” she says. Developing a loving environment of trust with your child means they’ll be more likely to open up to you.
Perhaps you might think your child is being the bully, and that’s why they aren’t making friends with others? Clinical psychologist Mitch Prinstein says it does have an important part to play. “Aggressive kids are almost guaranteed to be among the least likeable in their school,” he notes.
Talk through some responses
Talk to your child about toxic relationship patterns, and what healthy relationships look like. Bloch suggests looking at ways to teach your child how to manage difficult social situations. “You can read books together, watch shows or movies, and discuss them,” she says. Role play can be a powerful tool. Think of some helpful ways your child can engage in conversations with others, and practise them at home.
The key is to inspire your child, teach them to be gently assertive, build their self-confidence by giving them choices and let them know their voice matters. Bloch suggests empowering your child by giving them the tools and skills, and even trusting them to come up with their own ways to remedy the situation. “Sometimes when I chat with kids, they might say they don’t have friends; as we talk and I validate them, they often come up with their own solutions,” she says. “Kids can be resilient if you give them the chance.”
However, parents should intervene if things are getting physical. Bloch says physical violence is a crime, and of course it’s never OK. “That’s when we need to step in and get involved, regardless of how our child feels,” she advises.
This article is featured in WellBeing Magazine 223
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